There are quite a few things that I didn’t tell people that I was doing, feeling like I should hide from others.
But there’s no need to be embarrassed about what I’m actually passionate about, right?
So today, I’m gonna man up and put myself out there.
This year, I learned to say no to things, and also to say yes to things I’d always been too scared to try, thinking like I was not good enough.
To talk about why, I’d like to talk about the end of the last year first.
2017 was a great year, having lots of people who kindly asked me to play music with, who generously offered me so many opportunities to play.
Also, I went to overseas for business for the first time in life, which was one of the biggest dreams that I had from long ago.
Of course it was great to have that many chances, and I know how happy and grateful I should be, but if I become truly honest, I was exhausted.
I was trapped by the busyness and lost.
Everyday I was just focuing on catching up the tasks and just trying not to bother or disappointed others, and had no time have a meaningful conversation with myself.
Meanwhile, people come and go. Every time any misunderstandings or disagreements occur, I kind of blamed myself and started to doubt about what I was trying to do.
Then, 2017 ended and 2018 started.
I felt empty. Even at the very fresh beginning of the new year.
I felt like everything I did was never my choice. Even though it sure was.
I had no goal. For no reason, I believed that there were so many people with specific goals, and I was almost the only one who didn’t.
After days, or weeks with emptiness, I finally got tired of feeling down or being worried all the time, and came up with this idea.
I’ve always been a careful planner, but I should be spontaneous reckless experimenter sometimes.
Then, I started letting my curiousity flow as it wants, and I just followed it.
I’ve always been obsessed with American TV series, so much that I didn’t even tired of it even though it’s in English, my second language, and I didn’t even care if I had no clue about what my friends ard talking about Japanese TV programs at schools.
I watched them so much that I would say that “Friends” improved my English the most. And I was always interested in making Japanese subtitles, but being a carefull planner, I kept telling myself, I was not good enough.
But this time, I shut my worried self up and started taking online classes.
I even tried simultaneous interpreting contenst, with no experience except from a few hours of classes I took when I was in university. I was successfully reckless applying for that, but I was not very successful at the contest, even though I studied so hard. Anyway that was worth trying. I learned so much.
That didn’t stop me experimenting. I joined some classes of consecutive interpretation. That opened my eyes since it made me realize how many people who want to be, or who’s actually working as interpreter there are. And at the same time I was a little disappointed by the fact there are declining number of young people who try to be one.
None of these experiments didn’t bring me any concrete result I can be proud of, but they surely encouraged me bringing me opportunites to meet new people who’s professional translator and or interpreter, or who’s trying to be and even asked me to join them.
That, meeting right, new people part, was a huge step ahead toward to my goal, which I’m still on my way trying to figure out what that is. I might want to be a translator or interpreter, but I might want to be a successful sales woman at the trading company.
Those careless experiments surely brought my careful planner self some hints. Even if those hints are so ambiguous, it’s just okay for now.
As you might have already noticed, no, nothing to show off, or to be proud of here. just yet. But, why should I hide that? It just doesn’t matter if things are not perfect.
All I have to do now is just to reflect these experiences and to take my time to see what I should do for the next step.