I’m in late twenties now and I often have conversations with my friends about how hard and exhausting being late twenties is. Girls around the same age in Japan (or the the world?) will agree on that this is very hard time in our lives. We are worried. All the time. Especially about our future.
But recently I came to think that might not be true. I realized that we are worried and feeling pressure not necessarily because of our age. We always had worries. Even when we were much younger. We just forgot that we were worried about school and exams, how we looked, friends, boys, future plans, and other tremendous things.
We tend to think if we were younger or older, there would be less problems – but maybe there’s no such thing as worry-free time in our lives.
No matter how old you are, there’s always something you can concern about, something you don’t like, something you wish it could be different.
But if you look back, you may remember that each and every time worries got in you way, you found answers – sometimes your answer could be “forgetting” or “ignoring”, but that works too – and got over it, and learned from it, and here we are now.
How to deal with problems differs from person to person, so some of you might already know how to deal with your problems without worrying too much about it. You might have already learned how to control your feelings and how you should act under pressure or stress.
This post is for those who don’t know the answer yet – who are struggling without knowing how to get out of the mud of worries.
Our minds are tricky. Especially when we are worried.
They can often delude us as if everything is going wrong, when in reality, there’s only one bad thing is happening but there’re 10 other things going great. Even when you actually had such a good day, if there’s one thing really bad happened, it could make you feel as if you had the worst day.
Worry is distracting, and it could even blind you – it makes us so hard to focus on what’s really going on. While you are worrying about one thing and can’t think anything else, you could be missing every other things that are going on around you, no matter how good they are.
You don’t want that, right?
You might think you don’t want to but you just can’t help worrying, because the thing you’re worried about is so powerful and important that you can’t – or even shouldn’t – ignore.
But, really? Remember that what is going on “now” is only happening now. It won’t wait for you to finish worrying. Whatever the good things are, they’ll be gone soon if you are being too busy worrying. Don’t you think the “good things” are also equally powerful and important for you?
Focusing on bad things too much can make you keep ignoring the real values and meanings of the other things going on in your life. Even when each one of them seem small, if you take a closer look, there could be great opportunities and new experiences hiding behind them, waiting to be found.
Also, sometimes we go through something that has both positives and negatives – such as something you know you should be grateful but you feel negative for some reasons: pressure, lack of confidence, endless task list, and so force. In these cases, these negative aspects easily distract us from the real values. It never helps.
I won’t say that you should ignore your problems, but I can’t emphasize enough that your worry is not everything going on around you. Worry could be a thief of your joy, happiness, experiences, possibilities, and even your health.
Being positive is your choice. You can choose to see the bright side of each situation. Let’s try thinking more about how grateful you could be, who you can be thankful to, what you can learn from it.
Once you started making choices to stay positive, the world will start to look different.
What we don’t usually realize is that negative feelings could be somehow appealing, and even addictive. They call us.
Why? Because negativity could be comfortable when you are weak. Staying negative means you’re always prepared for the worst scenario. That makes you try not to expect too much, makes you work less hard, so that you don’t need to be sad when the worst scenario became the reality.
If you feel like you’re feeling low these days, chances are you’re gradually becoming addicted to negativity. In other words, being negative is becoming a part of your routine.
Comfortable routine is something hard to change – so being positive requires your will, choice, and efforts.
If you can’t stop worrying and you want to change that, try this; write down what happened to you or what’s going on around you, and see how many good things and bad things there are.
You might find out there are actually 10 good things hiding behind the only one bad thing.
There are most likely a gap between what is really going on and what we think is going on. Even if you are feeling your life is falling apart, if you calm down and try to see what is really going on, there will always be something good going on in your life.
Don’t let your worries make your life painful. You can make your own choice to focus on things you are happy about, things you should are grateful for.
Don’t let negativity trap you. You can always remind yourself that there is always something positive going on.
The good things may seem small or nothing special, but you can make it bigger and more beautiful – simply by focusing on them.
Situations and environments may not change over night, but the world you choose to see, can change from this moment.