I’ve been working from home since the beginning of April, and I haven’t seen anyone in person for more than two months, except from some of my colleagues I meet when I go to the office once a month, and people working or shopping at grocery stores in my neighborhood.
As much as it sounds so lonely – somehow I’m not feeling lonely at all.
I always thought I was someone who gets lonely very easily. I believed that I can’t live anywhere but where my close friends living in a walk distance, so I can go to see them anytime I need.
And yes, I’ve been actually living that way for years. I was meeting many people, at and even after work, almost every day. Not really because I didn’t want to spend any time alone – I genuinely loved that life. I loved the way I was living so much that I believed that I can’t live differently.
However, I was probably wrong.
During self-quarantine, I’ve been talking to people I can’t see in person online. With some people quite often, with other people, from time to time. There were also some friends who I haven’t talked at all, even though I think we are pretty good friends.
While doing this I realized that online messaging and phone calls are definitely fun, however, the lack of frequent messaging or calls doesn’t necessarily mean that you are no longer close with them. It doesn’t mean that they stopped caring about you, or that you forgot about them. In other words – if you know that they care about you and you care about them, you don’t necessarily need notifications on your phone.
What really supports you while having a difficult time, what really can heal your loneliness, worries, and scars on your mind – is the knowledge that you have someone who will always get your back.
If you are not feeling lonely when you are always with someone – either in person or online – you might think you’re not lonely because you are not alone.
But the real reason is because you know that you have someone who always gets your back. You are not feeling lonely because you know that someone cares about you, that someone loves you.
That knowledge that you are never alone – even when you are physically alone – that’s what really gives you the energy.
It was very hard for me to see that when I was always keeping me insanely busy, but this quarantine made me slow down and let me finally see it.
Busy schedule can make you numb. When you are busy, you don’t have much time to think something really deeply. When you are extremely busy, you can’t afford to let your feelings take control of your life.
However, once something affected your life and emptied your schedule, you’re going to have plenty of time for yourself. You’re going to have some time to think, and that will make you feel your feelings more vividly – even the very small change of your feelings you didn’t even realize when you were too busy.
Recognizing your own feelings can be scary sometimes. It could make you vulnerable. If you have tendency to be addicted to being busy, there is a chance you are too scared to face your true feelings. I’m not saying all the busy people are like that, but for me personally, sometimes being extremely busy feels easier than facing what I am really feeling deep down inside.
Having much time for myself, I could be more aware of how I truly feel about each and every thing I do, in the past two month. But more importantly, it gave me time to look back the crazy schedule I used to have before the quarantine, and how I really felt about each and every thing I was doing back then. Then I finally figured out that not all the communications and interactions with other people were necessarily making me happier.
What really matters is quality, not quantity. Sometimes we can’t help but think as if the more people we have in our lives, the happier and more fulfilling our lives will be – but that is not true.
What can really help you to get through the bad days – is your knowledge that you have someone who genuinely cares about you. Not the number of people who knows you superficially.
I do believe that everyone has somebody who cares about you. Definitely. On the other hand, I also know that realizing and confidently believing that someone really cares about you can be unexpectedly hard sometimes.
It is very difficult to please everyone – I would say, it is impossible. I can even guarantee you. Nevertheless, worrying about other people’s opinions is almost conditioned into us, so we need keep learning to deal with that worry.
That makes it very powerful and influential in your life to understand that the only people you need to think about are people who truly care about you, people who love just the way you are.
It gives you energy, strength, and courage – so I want everyone I love to know that I care about them.
Know that you have someone who cares about you. Just believing so will give you a significant power. That knowledge will silence your meaningless worries.
You don’t even need to ask them if they really care about you. Just know, and believe it – it will set you free from all the ‘what ifs’ and will give you so much more potential.
Since I know that, I am and I will keep telling people around me how amazing they are, how much I love them, and how much I appreciate them. I don’t really care if they don’t need it, or if they think I’m too big fan of them.
They might not need to hear that I care about them when they are fine, but I also know from my experience, someone who seems always happy also has bad days.
When the feelings they were keeping numb come back and hit them,
when they suddenly get enough time to think, and that makes them face their vulnerabilities,
when they are caught with worries and fears,
when they have a bad day,
I want them to remember that they have someone who always gets their back. I’m sure they have plenty of people to remember, but just in case they can’t believe they have plenty of people, I really wish they can at least remember me and think, “Oh, but that overly excited and passionate girl will still get my back.”
I hope that helps them – even a little bit – to get through their hard times.