How to Stop Letting Your Loneliness Take Control of Your Life

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Loneliness is a natural feeling for all of us. It’s deeply connected to our mind, and it’s just normal to feel lonely from time to time. However, it seems like we are so scared of talking about it. One thing I didn’t realize until recent – probably because of how less we talk about it – is that the motivation that loneliness gives people is so much bigger than we realize.

Some people can turn loneliness into something positive. They use the time for themselves to focus on their goals and passion, and eventually accomplish something amazing.

Some people are too busy to feel loneliness. In this case, some of them are working so hard to distract or numb themselves so they won’t have to feel the loneliness.

Since it is a very strong and influential feeling to a human, loneliness can guide you to somewhere you didn’t know you could go. It is very tricky – because it could take you to a positive and happy place, but it could also take you to a negative and dangerous place.

Geniuses in the history – artists, athletes, business person and others who left amazing things to the world – are often known that they were spending enormous amount of time by themselves, working on their crafts. Some of them even say that their success could be achieved because of their loneliness. Ironically, on the other hand, the worst criminals in the history are also often known that they were suffering from severe loneliness, and that became the cause of their crimes.

Either way, loneliness can drive humans strongly with its significant power. It is probably taking more controls of our lives than we realize.

When you hear the word “loneliness”, you might imagine people who are living by themselves, without family, partner or friends. However, it is easier than we know to feel lonely, even when we are surrounded by a lot of people.

You might know a lot of people, but they might not be your real friends.

You might always be surrounded by a lot of people, but you can still struggle to be close with them.

You might have someone important to you, but you can still have misunderstandings or arguments with them.

You might have – or used to have – a good relationship with someone, but that can change.

You might not feel lonely now, but you might be worried about the future – and the worry can make you feel as if you are all alone.

You might have problems or secrets, but you might keep it to yourself because you don’t want to bother anyone, or make them worry.

It is natural to feel lonely, even when it seems like you have no reason to feel lonely.

Since loneliness is so powerful, sometimes it can give us a good energy or motivation, and even helps us to achieve our big goals.

However, at the same time, we have to be very careful. Since its power is so big, it can also blind you.

When you keep overworking yourself even though you are exhausted, when you keep failing to say “no” even when you want to, or when you spend too much time and effort on something that is not what you really want – that can be because you are being controlled by your own loneliness.

If you are feeling exhausted, it might be a sign that you should look back your schedule or routine, and think about why you are doing all of them.

“Why am I doing this?” “Why am I working so hard on this?”

If you become really honest, the reason might be because you are feeling lonely. It might be because you think that’s the only way you can stay connected with other people. You might be too afraid to move on to the next step, because you are worried if you ended up being alone. If you secretly have reasons based on the fear of loneliness, maybe it’s time for you to pause and reflect what is really influencing you.

However, even though it could harm you, loneliness is still such a natural feeling to all of us – so it’s never healthy to ignore it. Instead, it can be helpful to rethink about your image of “not lonely” situation or status. Here are some questions you can ask yourself if you are feeling lonely.

  • Are you expecting too much from other people? Remember, there’s no two people who are exactly the same. You shouldn’t be sad when you can’t understand each other with other people, it’s only natural. Instead, you should be excited every time you can understand somebody else, or someone understands you very well – because it’s almost a miracle. Accept misunderstandings, conflicts, and arguments. They will always a part of life as long as we are different human beings.
  • Do you have someone you wish you could be? Do you think they are not lonely? You’ll never know, because we have no idea what other people are going through. Even if you could be that person, you might still feel the feeling you have now.
  • Why do you think you are feeling lonely now? Maybe that’s because you miss old days. Maybe you used to be surrounded by your family or friends all the time. Maybe you miss somebody. But you are incredibly lucky just having such experiences. Those memories should not be the reasons to be sad, they should be treasures of your life, which makes you smile every time you look back.

Sometimes small things like changing your point of view can be a game changer. It can release you from the loneliness that has been controlling your decisions and behaviors. Then you may realize where you actually want to go – or possibly, that you are already where you want to be.

No matter where you are, who you are with, or even when you are alone, there is a way to ease your loneliness. It is learning to love your not perfect life.

Your life might be different from what you were dreaming about when you were younger. You see yourself and might find tons of things you wish you could change. You might love other people’s glamorous life even though you’ve never experienced it, while you keep complaining about your own life.

One thing we tend to forget is that we can always learn to love people, places, environments, and more importantly, yourself – even when they are not perfect.

You can always generate a small love in your mind, and that can help you to see your “not perfect” life very differently. That can make you ease your loneliness, or make you realize that you were not lonely after all.


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