“I really want you to be happy.”
“I’m sure you will be happy.”
I don’t know about you, but I often hear people say something like this.
These words sound thoughtful, and I believe that people say these things when they care about someone. These words are basically good, kind and nice things to say.
With that’s said, when I hear these words, I still can’t help wondering why people think happiness is something they are “going to be” or “will be” – something that’s going to happen in the future.
There are some milestones in life, which people are going to see that you became happy once you achieved one of them:
having a girlfriend or boyfriend, getting married, having a child, getting a good job in a big company, having luxurious life, having a perfect appearance, getting in shape, and so forth.
I think people are treating these milestones as if they are “happiness certificates”, which tell and show the world that you are “officially” happy.
I know these events can make people really happy. If you achieve any of them and that makes you happy, cool. That’s just great.
However, I also believe that these things are not something necessary to become happy. You don’t need to be worried if people are going to see you as an “unhappy person” because you have not achieved any of them.
Nevertheless, we all are somehow obsessed by these certificates, more or less. That’s why it is really hard to stop caring about what other people think about us or how they see us.
But I’m telling you, there is no such thing as “happiness certificate.”
Simply because there is nothing that can make you perfectly happy all the time. There is nothing that can promise you will be happy forever. Nothing. There is nothing like, once you have that, you will live happily ever after.
Some people feel happy when they own countless things they love, while some people become happier by becoming minimalists.
Some people feel happy when they are surrounded by a lot of people, while some people feel happier when they are having alone time.
You’ll never know if someone looks like having a perfect life was actually hurt deep inside, or suffering from his or her own serious problems.
I have plenty of drafts of blog posts I haven’t finished yet, and the other day I found one interesting draft which I completely forgot that I wrote and that I even thought about. In the unfinished post I was saying, “I want to tell everyone how happy I am right now, but somehow I feel it’s not right.”
Usually, I truly believe that it’s great when people tell other people about whatever good things happened to them, whatever made them smile, happy, and feel positive.
Even so, at that moment, something was making me feel guilty to show other people how happy I was feeling. Why?
I kept reading the draft and found the reasons why I felt that way.
I wanted to tell other people how happy I was because, of course, I was so happy that I couldn’t even hold.
But the problem is, that was not the only reason – I also wanted people to know that I was happy. I wanted to be seen as a happy person. I knew I was already happy, but somehow, I wanted other people to know that, too – so that I can “officially” become happy.
Once I realized that I had this feeling, I started feeling guilty to show how happy I was.
I guess my present self would say, “Don’t worry about that, if you wanna tell your friends, or post something on social media, just go ahead!”
However back then, I was surprised and confused by the fact that there existed in the back of my mind such feeling – that I wanted to be seen as happy, that I wanted other people to know that I was happy – even a little bit. I was shocked by the fact that I was more or less obsessed and affected by “happiness certificates.”
It’s not when you get those “happiness certificates” whey you can be happy.
It’s not when people recognize you as a happy person when you can be happy either.
It’s just when you feel happy, when you become happy.
Yon don’t need anyone’s permission or recognition to be happy.
You can decide when you are happy.
Happiness is your choice.
There’s another thing we tend to forget about happiness.
Happiness is not something waiting for you in the future, but it’s always there.
You will feel happy when you achieved something, or when you get something.
However, it’s not that you can’t be happy until you hit some milestones.
You can also be happy throughout the way you’re working towards the goals.
You are happy, whenever you feel you are.
If you’re feeling happy, that’s all that matters. You ARE happy.
You don’t need to prove that to anyone. You don’t need anyone to admit that you are happy – because, again, you already are happy.
Also your happiness doesn’t need to look like other people’s happiness. It doesn’t even need to be understood by others – we all have different perspectives and definitions about happiness.
Just because, your happiness is something nobody can decide – but only you can decide.