I don’t believe that there’s anyone compatible with anyone. In other words, I think no matter how hard you try, you’ll never find anyone you have nothing to disagree with.
With that said, in this post I’d like to talk about how we can live as happy as we can even with some disagreements.
I gradually came to think this way by having so many, great opportunities to have deep, meaningful conversations with talented, cool people these days.
Even when it seems you and someone are seeing the same thing, chances are each of you is seeing it in a completely different way. And as a result, you two may be thinking about completely different things.
This could easily happen even between really close friends, or between people who seem to be in very similar environments, cultures, or positions. While seeing (superficially) the same thing, what’s on each of our mind could be very different – even surprisingly.
The biggest reason for that, I believe, is that we all have different experiences, backgrounds, knowledge, and on top of that, we also have tastes and preferences.
Someone says that each person is seeing the world differently, in his or her own way, so at the end of the day, everyone is interpreting the world differently, based on their hope, wish, and preference.
As long as you and I are “you” and “I” – I mean, different, individual human beings, – there’s no way we’re thinking completely the same thing, in completely the same way.
Because of that, it’s impossible to find anyone who you can agree with about each and every thing.
It may sound cold, sad, or lonely, but that’s not necessarily true – that’s just how things are. We just can’t help it.
However, sometimes, a part of me still wishes if I could find someone who understands everything about me, who see the things the same way as I do, so no fights or arguments are necessary.
But a wish like that won’t make me happy – because that could make me think that I can build good relationships with only someone who is on the same side, similar, and there’s no disagreement in between.
And I’m sure having this belief will be tiring – because that will make me subconsciously expect people around me to always have similar views, opinions, values, and way of thinking, but as I said, that expectation will definitely be disappointed, very often and even easily.
So why don’t we focus on how to deal with disagreements, rather than being afraid of them?
Here are the magic words I recently found; “But I like you after all.”
You might find something you’ll never understand about your friends. You might find something you can’t stand about your colleagues. You might find something you hate about your partner. There might be something you are fed up with about your family.
But that one thing – or a few things – doesn’t have to be the reason you can’t live with them. It doesn’t have to be the reason you stop seeing them much. It doesn’t have to be the reason you refuse them, or even to be disappointed.
“I don’t understand why you’re obsessed with that,”
“I’m not a big fan of the story you always keep repeating when you get tipsy,”
“Sometimes you are almost annoying when you’re too excited,”
“I honestly think you are a weirdo,”
– “But I like you after all.”
Even if there’s something you don’t love about someone, if you can say “but I like you after all” to that person in your head (or out loud), that’s enough. You don’t need to look for someone compatible with you, – in other words, someone “perfect” for you – who I think does not even exist, you can be happy enough with people around you.
It’s okay if there are some disagreements. Having disagreements or occasional misunderstandings doesn’t mean you guys are not meant to be good friends, colleagues, partners, and so on.
You are already so lucky enough to have someone you like, even if there are some flaws – just because we all are unique and different.
And here’s another reason why having disagreements is just okay; We all change.
Everyone change over time, by experiencing things, meeting people, and for so many other reasons.
If you have friends you’ve known for years, when you meet them for the first time in months, or years, sometimes you may realize they have changed. You may realize that they changed their opinion after going through their hard times, or they became more responsible and reliable through their career, or they got matured through relationships.
And as a result of the changes, you might like the friend even more, or possibly less.
That’s a normal and natural thing to happen. Because just like they changed, you also must have changed – even without knowing it.
The change doesn’t have to be something drastic or dramatic, but could be a simple thing: your way of thinking, things you like, people you spend the most time with, etc.
While your friends are constantly changing, you are also changing. We are all moving. We are rotating just like gears – so through the tremendous changes we experience, sometimes we mesh with each other, and sometimes we go away from each other. And maybe, we mesh with each other again, someday in the future – that’s possible as long as we keep changing.
Don’t be disappointed even if you can’t understand everything about the person you like, or if you can’t feel the same way they do, or if they don’t feel the same way you do. Disagreement isn’t the dead end.
It’s more like one of the signs you see while you go through a path. You see it, and you may decide what you do next depending on what the sign says. Sometimes you might have to turn around, shift the lane, or pull over and wait.
But all of that is temporary. You just keep going – and sooner or later, you will find the next sign. You might like what the next sign says.
I’m not saying that you should accept people that hurts you. That’s the last thing I would tell you. You should always be more with people that appreciate you and love you.
But when people who treats you well and you also really like happens to have something you can’t agree or understand, that’s just okay. You don’t need to feel sad or frustrated about it, or as if you can’t be friends with them anymore.
For sure being same or similar is comfortable. And being different can be scary. However, that doesn’t simply mean same is good and different is bad.
I’m a big fan of differences. When we find differences, that’s when we can learn, progress, get inspired and feel moved.
Regardless of the differences, if you can say “But I like you after all” – you are so lucky to have that person in your life.
Disagreement isn’t the dead end, it’s one of the signs.